Learning how to love difficult people might be one of the greatest challenges you face as a Christian. Sometimes these challenging Biblical commands come to mind at the most inconvenient moments, don’t they?
I once had a pastor who lied to me – not once, but twice. I am not kidding you! Even years later, I sometimes catch myself wrestling with feelings of hurt and betrayal. In those moments when the memories surface, a convicting thought hits me: “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you…”
It’s one thing to read these words in Scripture; it’s another entirely when they challenge you to love someone who’s violated your trust, especially a spiritual leader.
In This Article
When Loving Others Feels Impossible
Whether it’s that family member who always seems to push your buttons, the coworker who undermines you at every turn, or the person on social media whose posts consistently spark anger in your heart, we all have “difficult people” in our lives.
In today’s increasingly divided world, where political, social, and even church-related disagreements strain relationships, loving difficult people might feel more challenging than ever.
A Biblical Perspective
But here’s the thing: Jesus didn’t casually suggest we love difficult people – He commanded it. In Matthew 5:44, He says,
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (NKJV)
These words aren’t just a nice suggestion; they’re a fundamental part of following Christ.
You might be thinking, “That sounds great in theory, but how do I actually do this?” Don’t worry – you’re not alone in asking that question. In this guide, we’ll explore not only why loving difficult people matters, but we will also see practical, Biblical ways to love those who challenge us the most.
We’ll look at Jesus’ example, unpack what Biblical love really means, and discover specific steps you can take to love others well, even when it feels impossible.
Whether you’re struggling with family tensions, church conflicts, or the broader divisions in our society, my goal is to help you navigate these challenging relationships with Biblical wisdom and Christ-like love. Ready to discover how to love difficult people like Jesus, even when it’s hard? Let’s go!
What Does Biblical Love Really Look Like?
Before you can effectively love difficult people, you need to understand what Biblical love actually means. It’s not the kind of love you see in movies or read about in novels. It’s not even primarily about feelings or emotions. Biblical love is something far more profound and intentional.

The Powerful Truth About God’s Definition of Love
When the Bible talks about love, it often uses the Greek word “agape” – a selfless, sacrificial love that seeks the good of others regardless of how you feel about them. You see this perfectly described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (ESV)
Notice that none of these descriptions depends on the other person’s behavior. You can choose to be patient regardless of how impatient someone else is. You can choose to be kind even when faced with unkindness. This is what makes Biblical love so revolutionary – it’s not reactive, it’s proactive.
How Jesus Showed Us Perfect Love in Action
You don’t have to look further than Jesus to see what this kind of love looks like in action. Even as He hung on the cross, experiencing the ultimate rejection and betrayal, His response was,
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” -Luke 23:34 (ESV).
This wasn’t just a nice sentiment – it was love in its purest form. Think about how Jesus interacted with people who opposed Him:
- He showed kindness to tax collectors when others shunned them
- He touched lepers when society cast them out
- He engaged respectfully with those who tried to trap Him with tough questions
- He even showed love to Judas Iscariot, knowing He would be betrayed
This is the same love we are all called to demonstrate in our own life. It’s not about feeling warm and fuzzy toward everyone; it’s about consistently choosing actions that reflect God’s character, regardless of circumstances or emotions.

Keep in mind, Biblical love isn’t about being a doormat or ignoring wrong behavior. Jesus often spoke truth firmly and set clear boundaries. But He did so from a place of love, always seeking the ultimate good of others – even His enemies.
As you begin to grasp what Biblical love truly means, you might feel overwhelmed, or maybe even guilty. That’s normal. This kind of love seems impossible by human standards – and that’s exactly the point. You can’t manufacture it on your own. It flows from your relationship with God, who is love (1 John 4:8), and it grows as you allow His Spirit to work in your heart.
Why God Calls Us to Love Even the Most Difficult People
You might wonder why God insists on our loving difficult people. Wouldn’t it be easier to just avoid them? Yet God’s commands always have purpose, and this one carries profound benefits for your spiritual growth and for your witness.
The Surprising Benefits of Loving Difficult People
When you choose to love difficult people, you experience transformation in several ways:
First, it develops your character. James writes in his letter,
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” James 1:24 (ESV)
Those difficult relationships? They’re often the very tools God uses to shape you more into Christ’s image. Every time you choose love over resentment, you’re growing in spiritual maturity.
Second, it sets you free. No, seriously. Holding onto bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. When you choose to love despite hurt – like with that pastor who broke trust, or that family member who consistently disappoints – you’re not just obeying God; you’re freeing yourself from the prison of resentment.

Third, it serves as a powerful testimony. Jesus said in John’s Gospel,
“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35 (NKJV)
In today’s divided world, where people are quick to cancel those they disagree with, your choice to love difficult people stands out as a radical witness to Christ’s transforming power.
Understanding the “Difficult” in Difficult People
Let’s be honest about what makes someone “difficult.” Often, it’s because they:
- Hold views that oppose yours
- Have previously hurt you or someone you care about
- Consistently create conflict or drama
- Seem resistant to change or reason
- Trigger your own insecurities or wounds
But here’s a humbling truth: you and I are probably on someone else’s “difficult person” list too. Romans 5:8 (ESV) reminds us that “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” You and I weren’t exactly easy to love either, but God loves us anyway.

This perspective changes everything. That coworker who drives you crazy? That family member who always criticizes? That person on social media who represents everything you stand against? They’re all people made in God’s image, just like you. They’re all people Jesus died for, just like you.
Understanding this doesn’t make loving them easy, but it makes it necessary. It’s not about approving their actions or ignoring harm they’ve caused. Rather, it’s about recognizing their value as human beings and choosing to respond as Christ would – with truth wrapped in love.
Remember, learning how to love difficult people isn’t optional for followers of Christ. It’s not a advanced-level Christian practice reserved for saints and martyrs. It’s a basic calling for every believer, essential for your growth, your freedom, and your witness to a watching world.
Learning from Jesus: A Radical Approach to Loving Your Enemies
When Jesus delivered His Sermon on the Mount, He turned the world’s understanding of love completely upside down. You might be familiar with His words in Matthew chapter 5:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you… For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?” Matthew 5:43-48 (NKJV)
This wasn’t just a minor suggestion – it was a revolutionary command that challenged (and still challenges) the basic human instinct to love only those who love us back. Think about it: in a culture where even “loving your neighbor” meant loving only those in your immediate community, Jesus expanded the circle to include everyone – even enemies.
The Power of Unconditional Love in Action
But Jesus didn’t just teach this radical love; He modeled it perfectly. Consider these practical examples from His life that you can apply today:
- He Loved Through Betrayal When Judas betrayed Him, Jesus still called him “friend” (Matthew 26:50). Even knowing what was coming, He had washed Judas’s feet along with the other disciples. How often do you still show kindness to those who have hurt you? I know I don’t always do that.
- He Loved Through Opposition When religious leaders tried to trap Him, Jesus responded with truth and wisdom rather than hostility. He didn’t compromise His message, but He also didn’t resort to personal attacks. You can disagree with someone’s actions or beliefs while still treating them with dignity.
- He Loved Through Suffering From the cross, Jesus prayed for His executioners: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34, NKJV). This wasn’t just a nice sentiment – it was love in its most costly form, far beyond what most of us can accomplish.
The radical nature of Jesus’ approach becomes clear when you apply it to your own situations:
- Instead of avoiding that difficult family member, you’re called to pray for them
- Rather than retaliating against that coworker who undermines you, you’re called to bless them
- Instead of dismissing that person with opposing views, you’re called to show them respect
This kind of love isn’t natural – it’s supernatural. It’s not about feeling warm and cozy; it’s about choosing to act in the best interest of others, regardless of how they treat you. It’s about breaking the cycle of hate and retaliation that dominates our world today.

Think about current divisions in our society – political disagreements, cultural conflicts, even church disputes. Jesus’ teaching cuts through all of these, calling you to a higher standard. When you choose to love those who oppose you, you’re not just following a command; you’re participating in God’s redemptive work in the world.
Remember, Jesus never promised this would be easy. In fact, He demonstrated that this kind of love often comes at a great personal cost. But He also showed that it’s possible through the power of the Holy Spirit working in you.
How to Love Difficult People Right Now: 5 Practical Ways
Before you can effectively love difficult people, you need to deal with any unforgiveness in your heart. Remember that pastor who lied? That situation taught me that forgiveness isn’t a one-time decision – it’s often a daily choice. Here are practical steps you can also take:
1. Start with Prayer – Begin by asking God to help you see the person through His eyes. Take that hurt, anger, or resentment to Him first. Pray specifically:
- For the person who hurt you
- For your own heart to soften
- For wisdom in how to move forward
2. Release the Debt – Forgiveness means choosing to release someone from a debt they owe you, even if they never acknowledge their wrong. This doesn’t mean:
- Pretending the hurt didn’t happen
- Automatically trusting them again
- Putting yourself in position to be hurt repeatedly
Building Bridges Through Kindness

Once you’ve dealt with forgiveness, you can begin taking practical steps to show love:
3. Take Intentional Action – Look for specific ways to show kindness:
- Send an encouraging text or email
- Offer help when they’re struggling
- Speak well of them to others
- Listen without trying to fix or judge
4. Practice Empathy – Try to understand what might be behind their difficult behavior:
- Are they dealing with hidden pain?
- What pressures might they be under?
- How might their past experiences affect their actions?
Remember, understanding someone’s behavior doesn’t mean excusing it, but it can help you respond with compassion rather than reaction.
Setting Healthy Boundaries with Love
5. Establish and Maintain Boundaries – Loving difficult people doesn’t mean becoming their doormat. Jesus loved perfectly while still setting clear boundaries. You can:
- Limit exposure to toxic behavior
- Communicate expectations clearly
- Say “no” when necessary
- Remove yourself from abusive situations
Real-life example: If you have a family member who constantly criticizes your faith, you might:
- Pray for them regularly
- Show kindness in practical ways
- Set boundaries about acceptable conversation topics
- Limit time together if needed
Remember to be patient with the process. Just as God is patient with you, extend that same grace to others and yourself as you learn to love well.
Practical Tips for Implementation:
- Start small – choose one person to focus on
- Keep a prayer journal to track God’s work in the relationship
- Celebrate small victories
- Find an accountability partner who can support and encourage you
- Remember that progress often looks like two steps forward, one step back
When you feel discouraged, remember Jesus’ words:
“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?… You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:46-48 (ESV)
This perfection isn’t about flawless execution; it’s about consistent growth in reflecting God’s character.
Loving difficult people stretches us, but it doesn’t have to overwhelm us. The Simple Faith Framework shows you how to approach challenging relationships with biblical wisdom and practical faith. Get your free copy and discover how to love well while staying grounded in God’s truth. 👇
Overcoming the Obstacles to Loving Difficult People
Let’s be honest – loving difficult people isn’t just challenging; sometimes it feels impossible. You might be facing obstacles like:
- Deep-seated hurt from past betrayals (like my experience with the pastor)
- Ongoing frustration with someone’s repeated harmful behavior
- Pride that whispers, “They don’t deserve your love”
- Fear of being hurt again if you open your heart
- Anger at the injustice of having to be the “bigger person”

These feelings are normal, but they don’t have to be final. You have to establish patterns and habits of dealing with hurt and resentment God’s way. Here’s how you can address each obstacle biblically:
- When Hurt Runs Deep: Remember 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV): “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” You don’t have to manufacture love from your own wounded heart – God’s grace provides the strength you need.
- When Pride Gets in the Way: Ask yourself, “How many times has God forgiven me?” Ephesians 4:32 (ESV) reminds you to “be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Your pride may need to take a backseat to obedience.
- When Fear Holds You Back: Perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). This doesn’t mean you won’t feel afraid; it means you can act in love despite your fear, trusting God to protect your heart.
The Power of Prayer in Difficult Relationships
Prayer isn’t just a last resort – it’s your first line of defense and your most powerful tool for transformation. Here’s how to pray effectively:
1. Pray for Yourself:
- For wisdom to see the situation clearly
- For strength to respond in love
- For healing from past hurts
- For protection against bitterness
2. Pray for the Difficult Person:
- For their well-being and growth
- For understanding of their own actions
- For any healing they might need
- For opportunities for reconciliation
3. Pray for the Relationship:
- For God’s purposes to be fulfilled
- For mutual understanding
- For peaceful resolution where possible
- For guidance in maintaining boundaries
Remember that struggling with learning to love difficult people doesn’t make you a “bad Christian.” Even Paul, who wrote extensively about love, admitted to personal conflicts (Acts 15:39). The key isn’t perfection; it’s persistence in allowing God to work through you.

When you feel overwhelmed, remember these truths:
- God’s commands always come with His enablement
- Growth happens gradually, not instantly
- Each small act of obedient love matters
- Your efforts to love difficult people please God, even when you don’t see results
Finding Joy in Loving the Unlovable
You started this journey to learn about how to love difficult people, perhaps thinking about that challenging person in your life – maybe it’s a family member who consistently hurts you, a coworker who undermines you, or like my experience, a pastor who broke your trust.
Now you understand that loving difficult people isn’t just a suggestion; it’s a vital part of your Christian walk that transforms both you and potentially those around you.

Remember these key truths as you move forward:
- Biblical love is a choice, not just a feeling
- God’s power enables you to love when you can’t do it on your own
- Your obedience in loving difficult people matters, regardless of their response
- Setting boundaries and loving well can coexist
- Every small step of obedience counts in God’s kingdom
Here’s your practical next step: Choose one person who challenges you and commit to doing one loving action for them this week. Maybe it’s sending that text you’ve been putting off, offering a genuine prayer for their well-being, or simply choosing to speak well of them to others. Start small, but start somewhere.
As you practice loving difficult people, you’ll likely discover something surprising: the person who changes most might be you. Your capacity for compassion will grow. Your understanding of God’s love will deepen. Your witness for Christ will strengthen.
Remember Jesus’ words in John 13:35 (NKJV): “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” In our divided world, your choice to love difficult people might be the most powerful testimony you have.
Share Your Thoughts!
What next steps will you take to love the difficult people in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s encourage one another in this challenging but rewarding journey.
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